Hot Green and Sexy, What More Do You Need?
by omnipotent otaku
Summary: It's Valentine's Day in Hyrule! And what's this? Ganondorf is getting all the Valentines and Link isn't? Not even from Zelda? What's going on? Oneshot.


Happy St. Valentine's Day :D

* * *

"Here's _another_ hundred cards and candies." Nabooru placed the sack of cards and chocolate at Ganondorf's feet. Ganondorf eagerly started going through them. Nabooru eyed him curiously. "You know, you've never gotten so many Valentine cards before," she said.

"I guess I'm just lucky this year," Ganondorf said, picking up a card. "Wow, this is from Termina… and this one's from… The Mushroom Kingdom. Hm. Must be foreign. Ooh, dark chocolate."

"I think this is a bit suspicious," Nabooru stated. "Personally, I think Link would be the one to get this many cards."

Ganondorf nearly tore the card he was opening in half. "Link? LINK? What's so brilliant about him? He got enough cards last year to last a decade! He doesn't need anything this year! Oh, are you concerned about him? Is that it? Why don't _you_ be his Valentine then!"

"Calm down," Nabooru said. "It's nothing like that. I was just thinking maybe you… did something to get all these cards and chocolates."

Ganondorf was silent.

"You did do something, didn't you?"

x.x.x.x

"Happy Valentine's Day, Zelda!"

Zelda didn't look up at him from the letter she was writing. She only said, "Leave me alone Link, I'm busy."

Link frowned. "But look what I got for you." He held out a box of chocolates and a dozen pink roses.

"Lovely," Zelda said without looking up.

"Who are you writing to?" Link asked.

"Someone," Zelda said.

Link peered over her shoulder and looked at her letter. It read,

_Darling Ganondorf,_

_Oh my dearest hot, green sex god, whose sexiness makes a thousand girls swoon and squeal with delight, how are you this Valentine's Day? I am doing fine, but alas! I pine for thee, for I am not able to gaze upon thy hotness daily! How I envy the Gerudo girls that surround you. If you like, you could come and visit, you sexy beast. I have plenty of-_

Link didn't feel like reading the rest. He felt like gouging his eyes out.

x.x.x.x

"You did _WHAT?"_

Ganondorf sighed. "You make it sound like a bad thing."

"You poisoned the cows, you freak!" Nabooru shouted.

"I did not," Ganondorf said, with a hurt look on his face. "I fed them something that'll affect their milk, not them."

"Then you poisoned whoever drinks milk! Which doesn't include me, thank the goddesses."

"No, I only made it that women who drink it fall in love with me. So I don't have to worry about men falling in love with me."

"You are twisted. And this means that no one _really_ loves you!"

"Yes it does! I've gotten cards from people in other worlds who couldn't have gotten milk from here! Look, this card is from a girl who lives in New York."

Nabooru let out a frustrated cry and she snatched the sack of cards and chocolates. "I'm burning this garbage!" She declared.

"Oh, don't do that!" Ganondorf said. "Besides, the effects will wear off soon anyway, so I won't be getting any more cards."

Nabooru glowered at him. "Are you sure?"

"Positive!" Ganondorf said.

Nabooru gave the cards back. "Fine, but any more that come in I will indeed incinerate."

"Yes, yes."

Suddenly, Link and Zelda burst into the room where Nabooru and Ganondorf were.

"Alright you, what is the meaning of this?" Zelda demanded. "This morning I had a glass of milk and then I start thinking about you and start writing a very disturbing letter to you! I just snapped out of it a few minutes ago."

"Thank the goddesses she did," Link said with a shudder.

"I… well, I was just…" Ganondorf muttered.

"Just what?" Zelda asked.

"It's just… every year, it's always Link who gets chocolates and cards and roses and marriage proposals!" Ganondorf exclaimed.

"Hey, that was from Malon after she got that head injury," Link said.

"And I was just a bit jealous… I wanted to be loved this year." Ganondorf finished with a frown.

Link and Zelda glanced at each other.

"So all you wanted was love?" Zelda inquired.

"Yes. For today at least." Ganondorf said.

"Then I'll be you Valentine," Link said.

Zelda and Nabooru stared.

"Y-you will? Really?"

"Yes, you green sex god."

"Oh Link!"

"Oh Ganondorf!"

The two embraced. Zelda and Nabooru exchanged looks and left the room, shaking their heads.

* * *

Hope you liked it XD

And yes Ume, you were that girl from New York. Because you are so awesome that you can send letters to Hyrule. XD And look, I spelled "plenty" correctly. You must be so proud.


End file.
